Toxin
by Broken Tourniquet
Summary: Nothing seems to go write you know? But at least when you got her it seems to just be okay perhaps? It's tough but you make do. NOTE: I had no idea what the frick to categorize this under (want more? Let me know. Also first time writing them so it might suck. A lot. Reviews are more than welcome.)


"Harley?" She asked stepping into the room and watched the blonde lean against the window to look out at the busy street. She always did that when nothing seemed right. Pamela was worried. Her heart ached for her.

"Mhmm?" She replied without looking away.

The city was always so busy at night. It always calmed her nerves to know that the city was just as busy as her brain was whenever she was troubled. It helped to know that the busy people and screeching cars from time to time was something she could identify with. As odd as it was she liked it. Normally the sounds at this time of night would have been much too troubling many but for Harley? It helped. It helped make everything she thought of sensible. It was definitely weird, but it was her. She didn't care.

"You okay?" Harley seemed a little taken back by the question and had to bite her lip for a moment to think.

"Sure am." She lied. It was obvious, but she didn't have the energy to put on a brave face. She didn't want to fake a smile anymore. She just wanted to let it out.

"You're lying." It was true. Pamela stepped closer and Harley cursed the woman for knowing her so well.

"I-just don't want you worrying sugah." A hand was on her shoulder and it was almost comforting. Harley tried not to look at her knowing the face she was giving her but she stole a glance. She always stole glances.

"Too late. I do that all the time. More so since the other night." Her hand slid from one shoulder to the other in a sort of embrace. While true, she still couldn't deny that she's always worried about her friend since they met on campus.

She remembered that day clearly. The woman had just jumped up and scurried over to her talking away like they had known each other forever. She even stole a fry or two and wouldn't take her threats seriously, she clearly wanted to befriend her and had done a good enough job of making herself a frequent part of her life but that day, that first day she had abruptly left once she saw a couple of big looking guys coming after her and while she thought she owed money there was a deep seed of worry in the pit of her stomach. Why? She didn't know and wouldn't till much later. She had made it her business, not to become involved with many people. Keep friends at a minimum to play it safe but Harley changed that completely. It all started with that one word 'puddin'.

"That so?" Harley rose an eyebrow finally looking at her. The night she confessed. Well, sort of. The words refused to come off of Pamela's tongue, but Harley understood what she meant.

"Sure is." She squeezed Harley reassuringly.

"Well, don't worry bout me Ivy." She never used Ivy unless she was excited or distant. Harley hadn't even meant for it to sound that cold.

"Like I said too late." She countered warmly. Fight cold with warmth it was just common sense.

"Yeah?" Harley asked curiously.

"Yeah." Harley smiled at that and laid her head on Ivy's shoulder.

"Suppose that's good?" She looked up at her redheaded friend and sighed. Content? Sort of.

"It's alright you know. To feel like the world has nothing good left in it. Especially after what he did." Harley hid her eyes in Pamela's shoulder and whimpered.

"Don't please just- don't. Not right now." She didn't even want to think about it. Robbery went bad? Whatever he tried to pin on HER and that he'd get away with it hurt. It hurt a lot. It was unfair. She broke her promise because of it.

"I'm sorry." She really was. Instantly her heart broke for Harley. If she could just get her hands around that man's neck she'd make him pay but then again Harley would stop her from going too far bad.'

"Sides it's not all bad."

"Oh?"

"The fact ya standing there looking at me like I'm the light of the world in this shit hole for one." Harley looked up at the golden look she was being given. Her heart leaped.

"That's not new Harley," Pamela admitted.

"Wassat?" Her friend sighed.

"THAT is not new if you'd- if you'd take a minute to stop and actually look you'd realize it's how I always look at you. You ARE the small light I have in the darkest Abyss." She meant it. She wasn't completely bad, but she certainly wasn't good and never felt like it was an amazing feat to think so, but Harley managed to change that. Harley smiled and told her that a little bad wasn't too bad and too much good wasn't good so she was the perfect mix of both every morning. Her smile could make anything better. She believed it had rubbed off on her throughout the years.

"Awww suga- ya gettin sappy on me." Harley knew where this was going. She wasn't sure why but she didn't feel like it actually was. She stood up straight again.

"Harle- please stop. I mean it. When he- when you- I wanted to rip his throat out every time! Every single time! He didn't treat you like you deserve! I was lost as what to do. Okay? I wanted to save you, but I didn't know how." Jealousy. She always got jealous easy. But this wasn't just jealousy. HE always got her in the end and HE didn't deserve her. Harley was much more than he always made her out to be. She could never see that, but boy did she always try. SHE KNEW IT. She would never stop trying to convince her.

"Puddin…?"

"I still don't know how but goddamn it Harley I'm not joking," She grabbed Harley's shoulder gently and gave her a begging look, "I love you! You're trying to push it off as a joke and it isn't. I understand if you don't want me and that this is scary but don't try to joke about it." It was a defense mechanism but in all aspects she just couldn't take that right now. She wanted her to understand what she meant.

Five years is an awful long time to know someone. Pamela had fallen quite hard after the third year, it had only been this year that she managed confess in her odd sort of way. Harley seemed to reciprocate those feelings but completely shut down after what HE did. Harley didn't understand it, but she did and she'd be damned if he pinned a murder on Harley. She just wanted Harley to know that whatever she was doing she was doing for her even if she might hate her by the end of it. She loved Harley with all her heart and then some, but she knew with that sometimes you had a price to pay to keep who you loved safe. She was willing to pay it.

Harley on the other hand felt it was almost love at first sight. More or less platonic love and being attracted at first sight then falling silently and quietly hoping she could keep that to herself. It was almost wonderous to feel even if she never spoke of it, she'd wake up every morning with a sensation in her chest to see Pamela, upon seeing her the sensation would just be nurtured. After everything if Pamela asked anything of her she'd do it in a heartbeat. She'd be there to catch her, to push her, just anything she asked. She understood why she was being overprotective and careful but it didn't help with the though it was her own fault for this whole damned thing. If she had just looked for an out..

Eventually Pamela's arms dropped and she watched Harley carefully. The blonde was thinking unsure of how to process it probably. Atleast she had finally admitted it out loud to herself. She never thought she'd actually say it.

"I don't know…" Harley spoke up after the long silence.

"Don't know what?" Her heart stopped.

"What to think. Pam, you ARE my best friend and I love you but I'm a little clouded up there yanno?" Harley tapped the temple of her head and gave a sad smile. Pamela frowned and her heart sank.

"I understand." Harley frowned. She misunderstood her.

"No pam I meant-" A hand stopped her.

"I think l'm going to bed and going to leave you alone." Before Harley could protest she was already on her way out thinking maybe she had said it all wrong.

Harley grunted, her eyebrows furrowing and reached out to grab her wrist. When she had she simply pulled her back feeling her body against her and held her in place with a hand around her waist. Pamela was starstruck she couldn't move or talk. Harley cupped the back of her neck and pulled her down kissing her softly unlike the last time they had kissed, that was rough, this was soft and nearing passionate. Harley pulled back breathless and watched Pamela bite her lip as her arms tightened around her neck. She wanted more. They both did but they'd never stop if they continued and she wasn't sure now was the best time.

"See? I just got things to work through alright? Just- don't leave me okay?" Her voice almost broke. Pamela looked shocked but nodded.

"I'd never think of it." She smiled, kissing her once more. It was always just once more.


End file.
